Personality is the way a person thinks and acts in the world. There are many personality traits. No two people have the same traits in the same way. All personality traits are helpful in the right context, but some people have such limited traits that they do not have the ability to respond to the ever-changing circumstances that life gives us, meaning the personality is not flexible enough. Without the emotional and cognitive flexibility, problems become difficult to solve. People with poor problem-solving ability seem to have more problems than others. And we all know problems are a part of life. As Scott Peck wrote in his book, The Road Less Traveled, “life is a series of problems waiting to be solved”. This is a reason many people seek treatment. People who have limited traits or are living with someone with limited traits, need help with navigating and managing the everyday experiences in their lives.

When we can’t solve problems, or we have a limited ability to solve problems, more problems emerge. In the absence of problem-solving skills, emotional distress increases. Just like small children, people with these limitations have tantrums, blame others for their problems, become emotionally dysregulated, and think irrationally. Often heated, unproductive arguments ensue. They become accusatory and critical, judgmental and defensive, with no awareness that this is happening. Their interpersonal relationships suffer because they hear what they want to hear and are often controlling, sometimes in subtle, manipulative ways. When limited personality traits cause these problems in a person’s life, a personality disorder is often the reason.

By now you’re probably thinking of several people you know who match this description. This article is being written to bring understanding and clarity when dealing with people who seem to be choosing to be difficult and are impossible to reason with. Psychology tells us that people like this have a personality disorder. A Personality Disorder is not a well-known psychological diagnosis because it is difficult to determine and treat. Psychologists do not necessarily agree with each other about who has or does not have a personality disorder. Some psychologists reject the diagnosis all together. But if you spend any length of time in the company of someone like this, you will be certain the disorder exists. 

In the DSM-V there are 10 different types of personality disorders. These distinctions make the diagnosis even more confusing. I like to think of these 10 different types in two categories – passive and aggressive personality disorders. The passive ones are known as Dependent, Avoidant, Schizoid, Schizotypal, and OCPD. The more aggressive ones are also the most well-known – Narcissistic, Borderline, Histrionic, Anti-social, and Paranoid. In his book, “The 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life,” Bill Eddy describes these last five. This book puts in easy to understand language what these personalities are like and what to do when you encounter one. It is a good place to start in improving your understanding of Personality Disorders.

View More